Poking Holes in the Lifeboat (a microfiction ditty)
by X. Ho Yen
17 Jul 2022
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“Oh, but you can not stop me, cracker,” stated Social Justice Warrior 1, turning her head left and right. “For my left scabbard holds the Sword of Justice, which can defeat any unjust opponent. And my right scabbard holds the Sword of Injustice, which I will use to justifiably undercut your defenses and eviscerate you in case your cause is just just enough to stop the Sword of Justice!”
“I cannot believe you used the ‘c’ word, normie snowflake,” replied Proud Oathtaking Whitey 1, “especially considering that you’re white, too.”
“I can use the ‘c’ word all I want. It highlights your racism and lack of education,” SJW1 replied with chin pushed forward.
“Well, I would never use the ‘n’ word, that’s for sure. So I have the moral high ground,” POW1 declared, hands on hips.
“Just yesterday you called BLM1 a darkie and a monkey all in one sentence!” said SJW1.
Black Lives Matter 1, standing beside SJW1, nodded agreement.
“So, no, you don’t have the moral high ground. Plus, I’d bet you couldn’t even spell the ‘n’ word.”
“Oh, yes I can,” said POW1. “N-I-G-E-R, ‘n’ word. But don’t try to trick me with your fancy talk of spelling, libtard. Who needs a government-approved education, anyway? It’s all just MSM propaganda. They pay me to lead not to read! My home schooling teaches me all I need to know about your baby-killing, white-genocide conspiracy.”
“Yeah, you know what?” BLM1, leaning over, whispered to SJW1. “We probably shouldn’t attack them for lack of education, since they’ve kept my people as uneducated as possible for two hundred years, so for a lot of us, it’s something we have in common. And using a racist epithet? Same deal. It probably undermines our cause.”
“Yeah, I guess I does,” said SJW1, deflated. “What a gyp. It’s a key factor undermining their whackadoodle ideas about history, genetics, and their own religion.”
“And for your information,” interjected POW1, emboldened, “the power of your Sword of Justice depends upon Deep State, baby-killing deception. The weight of its own contradiction will render it useless against my Holy Cross Shuriken and American Flag Spear, which also have greater range!” POW1 brandished his weapons, which were actual sharpened, metal crosses with Jesus figures on them and an actual Old Glory on a spear-length flag pole with both of the wings of its metal, bald eagle end cap sharpened.
Behind POW1, POWs two through twelve shouted “Fuck yeah!” while members of Old Testament Christians for Rescinding the Bill of Rights (shortened to ORBs to keep the acronym short) shouted “Army of God!”
The Stone, standing well behind all of them, shouted, “1776!”
And with that, the debate was over. SJWs and BLMs charged to the left, POWs and ORBs charged to the right, and blood was shed. Same as the day before.