My Bulwer-Lyttons

These are my 19 Aug 2021 submissions to The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest:

“Since 1982 the Bulwer Lytton Fiction Contest has challenged participants to write an atrocious opening sentence to the worst novel never written. The whimsical literary competition honors Sir Edward George Bulwer-Lytton, whose 1830 novel Paul Clifford begins with ‘It was a dark and stormy night’.”

Visit the site. Read the top submissions. Laugh!

--------------------

It was Sir Clive's custom to walk home from the pitch, but at today's futbol game, or soccer as they call it here in the colonies, he'd eaten two weiners, or hot dogs as they call them here, and somewhere in the knight a dog balked and he simply had to find a loo, this instant, so he ran instead.

Gripping the crater wall for dear life, spacenaut Whark Motney couldn’t help but blame his wife, Murta, for his predicament, since it was her support that brought him here, in contrast to his ex, Dydia, who’d told him he clearly wasn’t fit for spacenaut work and would get himself killed, so as his grip loosened he missed Dydia terribly.

She arose in bloom, eager to shower him in her pollen, but he never buzzed in and she later found out he’d become depilated and couldn’t carry her pollen anyway, but that was the least of their worries since it also caused his death, and now her pollen wasn’t going anywhere.

XHoYenAuthor.com